


Gay or European?

by BitterButter



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: It's in no way serious, M/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic, enjoy its beauty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3646419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterButter/pseuds/BitterButter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really short, just a small triviality out of boredom. It's only who I think would sing each line in the song.<br/>It's obviously the song Gay or European from the Legally Blonde Musical who doesn't know that song?<br/>So.<br/>Yeah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gay or European?

Grantaire:  
There! Right There!  
Look at that tan, well tended skin.  
Look at the killer shape he's in.  
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.  
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.

Enjolras:  
I'm not about to celebrate.  
Every trait could indicate  
The totally straight expatriate.  
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.

All:  
That is the elephant in the room.  
Well is it relevant to assume  
that a man who wears perfume  
is automatically radically fey?

Bossuet:  
But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.

Grantaire:  
Look at his silk translucent socks.

Enjolras:  
There's the eternal paradox.  
Look what we're seeing.

Grantaire:  
What are we seeing?

Enjolras:  
Is he gay?

Grantaire:  
Of course he's gay.

Enjolras:  
Or European?

All:  
Ohhhhhh.  
Gay or European?  
It's hard to guarantee  
Is he gay or European?

Bahorel:  
Well, hey don't look at me.

Joly:  
You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.  
They play peculiar sports.

All:  
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.  
Gay or foreign fella?  
The answer could take weeks.  
They will say things like "ciao bella"  
while they kiss you on both cheeks.

Grantaire:  
Oh please.

All:  
Gay or European?  
So many shades of gray.

Jehan:  
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.  
(no comment)

All:  
Is he gay or European?  
or

Éponine:  
There! Right There!  
Look at that condescending smirk.  
Seen it on every guy at work.  
That is a metro hetero jerk.  
That guy's not gay, I say no way!

All:  
That is the elephant in the room.  
Well is it relevant to presume  
that a hottie in that costume

Grantaire:  
Is automatically-radically

Enjolras:  
Ironically chronically

Éponine:  
Certainly pertin'tly

Bossuet:  
Genetically medically

All:  
GAY!  
OFFICIALLY GAY!  
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY  
DAMNIT!

Gay or European?

Marius:  
So stylish and relaxed.

All:  
Is he gay or European?

Marius:  
I think his chest is waxed.

Cosette:  
But they bring their boys up different there.  
It's culturally diverse.  
It's not a fashion curse.

All:  
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.  
Gay or just exotic?  
I still can't crack the code.

Feuilly:  
Yet his accent is hypnotic  
but his shoes are pointy toed.

All:  
Huh.  
Gay or European?  
So many shades of gray.

Musichetta:  
But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday.

All:  
Is he gay or European?  
gay or european?  
Gay or Euro-

Bahorel:  
Wait a minute!  
Give me a chance to crack this guy.  
I have an idea I'd like to try.

Enjolras:  
The floor is yours.

Bahorel:  
So, sir...  
This alleged affair with Ms. Fauchevelent has been going on for...?

Courfeyrac:  
2 years.

Bahorel:  
And your first name again is...?

Courfeyrac:  
Courfeyrac.

Bahorel:  
And your boyfriend's name is...?

Courfeyrac:  
Combeferre.

All:  
(gasp)

Courfeyrac:  
I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You said boyfriend.  
I thought you said best friend. Combeferre is my... best friend.

Combeferre:  
You bastard!  
You lying bastard!  
That's it.  
I won't cover for you anymore!  
People.  
I have a big announcement.  
This man is gay and European!  
and neither is disgrace  
you've got to stop your being  
a completely closet case.  
I'ts me not her he's seeing.  
No matter what he say.  
I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.  
You are so gay.  
You big parfait!  
You flaming boy band cabaret!

Courfeyrac:  
I'm straight!

Combeferre:  
You were not yesterday.  
So if I may, I'm proud to say,  
He's gay!

All:  
And European!

Combeferre:  
He's gay!

All:  
And European!

Combeferre:  
He's gay!

All:  
And European and Gay!

Courfeyrac:  
Fine okay I'm gay!

All:  
Hooray!

Courf and Ferre:  
Fine. Okay. We're gay!

**Author's Note:**

> none of this is serious and my intention is not for them to be in character, it's just a silly dumb funny thing.
> 
> perhaps Courf should have been Carlos but... but whatever.
> 
> I have another version with Joly and Bossuet.


End file.
